Devoted Exhaustion

Devotion might be the most dangerous emotion one can feel.

Lately, my devotion to doing it all at once has been louder than my fatigue. It might not always look like someone who has been running on empty for a while, but that is what is happening. Sometimes, you’ve been tired for so long that you can’t quite remember what having energy feels like. You just keep going.

As the colder seasons begin to settle in, I’ve been craving slower days. Quieter mornings. More room to simply exist. But somehow, the to-do list keeps getting longer.

I know I need rest. I’ve been needing it for a while. And yet, I haven’t quite been able to surrender to it completely.

When you’re reaching for something that feels like it depends entirely on you, taking a break can feel like an ugly, remorseful trap. Even when you stop, your mind keeps moving. You think about what you could be doing, what still needs to get done, what might fall behind without you.

Maybe that’s the dangerous part of devotion — when caring so deeply about something makes it difficult to know when to stop caring for a moment.

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